The Only Thing We have to Fear is …

Snakes.  Texting drivers.  Necrotizing fasciitis. (That’s a new one for me, but now I don’t go anywhere unless I’m packing Neosporin and hydrogen peroxide.)  All quite rational fears.  If you’re not afraid of these, you should be.  Then there are the fears that are a little more unique.   Clowns.  Open spaces.  Birds.  If these fit you, fine; but I’ll stay with my paralyzing little acrophobia, thank you very much.

But finally we get to those fears that are just plain weird.  Cherophobia – the fear of “gaiety” (that’s of the “Gay 1890’s” kind, not the gay 1980’s kind) or happiness.  Octophobia – fear of the figure 8 (I can understand this if you’re on the golf course, but otherwise?).  Kolpophobia – the fear of genitals, esp. female genitals.  Enough said about that one.

So my weird phobia when I was young was a fear of large inland bodies of salt water.  Soundophobia?  Saltlakecityophobia?  Deadseaophobia?  Not sure this one has a scientific name.  But every summer since I was 6, my family went to the Outer Banks of North Carolina, a series of barrier Islands on the the coast WAY too far out from real land.  This required traversing large bodies of – you guessed it – inland salt water.  Pamlico Sound.  Albemarle Sound.  Roanoke Sound.  Croatan Sound.  I might as well have been crossing through the Valley of Death, and I was fearing plenty of evil.  The water was always dark, and seemed much rougher than a non-ocean should be.  I wasn’t sure what to be afraid of from that water, but I damn well knew that if I somehow ended up in that water, I would find out.  And I really, really didn’t want to know.

I’m older now.  That fear has subsided (I avoid Sounds now), only to be replaced by a much more troubling and embarrassing fear – Christian Rock.  Not like the Blarney Stone or anything, but music.  Now, I consider Silent Night the best song ever played between December 22 through the 24th.  I can hang with O Little Town of Bethlehem during the season.  What I am talking about is entirely different.  Here are some sample lyrics (each bullet point from different songs):

  • The white snow falls (I cannot see) On my black heart (In front of me)
  • You hold my hand so tight that it spills your blood.
  • He wraps Himself in light
    And darkness tries to hide
    It trembles at His voice
    Trembles at His voice

The hair on the back of my neck is standing on end.  I know there is plenty of stuff in Testament New and Old that can lead to some long nights with little sleep,but this stuff is just plain eerie.

Until the next time – YP


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